Thoughts

Good afternoon. It has been a little over three years since last I posted here. I find having a quiet place such as this to be increasingly useful in the maelstrom of chaos currently causing so much...'interest', in the world.

Ignoring it really doesn't work. On social media sites the speed at which ugliness can be spammed is mind boggling. Seeking for the beautiful can be a consuming and ultimately fruitless chore. 

I personally maintain my social media accounts because I have friends there I cannot interact with in any other way. Believe me, few want to be pen pals in these days where physical writing can and does cause serious cramps for some folk. 

*glances outside* Ah, I see the deluge has begun. It is a pleasant sound.

I am currently undergoing a lot of instruction in various things...I shall not name them here...and yes that makes me a 'trainee'. I also have duties attached to that training. I have the same every day concerns as anyone else does. Add a few more stemming from changes wrought in me by two distinct death experiences...not near death...actual death. I was sent back both times. Some think this makes me 'holy', some think it makes me a liar, other folk think other things. Take your choice.

Overall, I say it makes me busy. Yes, I learn things and I know things. Things I very rarely share with anyone, excepting only my wife. Yes, I am part of a demographic that is a minority. I am a transwoman and a lesbian. Also a cat mom. I was a Marine Grunt during my active service days...a long time ago now. I am still a Marine, for all of the passage of time. 

I'm a Pagan. I'm an Archdruid Emerita of the Ancient Order of Druids in America. An Archpriestess. A consecrated Bishop with the Gnostic Church. I am a Witch. I am a Shaman, or as I call it, a Mistwalker. Last, yet not at all least, I am a Sister of Avalon.

I walk in both worlds...the Manifest and the Other...simultaneously. I suppose that is due to the death experiences. I walk the Mists between worlds. I spend a lot of time on the Blessed Isle. 

I play the Harp, the Native American flute, the lyre, the rattles, hand drums, and even larger drums like those used in powwows. I play other instruments, yet these are the ones that matter most. 

I am sixty-eight years. This is my sixty-eighth Summer. If we actually have one this year, it will be my sixty-eighth Winter as well. If I live that long.

I enjoy living history, reenactment, LARP, Archery, and a host of other things. Honestly there is far too much to learn and each lifetime adds more. Oh yes, I remember several of my lifetimes.

It is a new introduction, yes. Then again, I am not the person that started this blog three years ago.

You are not the same person you were last year. No one is. That is life.

I will post on this blog from time to time. No schedule, just as I may.

I hope the days are kind to you and yours. May any burdens you must bear be light and easily borne, else at least seem so.

Bright blessings.

Sibylla
 

Abbey Dreams

I dreamed of the Abbey. I have been for a very long time. There was a lapse for a while, then it returned even stronger and more deeply set than before. Like the boat that is nearly always present, it is there, in the background, in the foreground, always present.

I call it the Abbey, it's really a Temple of Life. Then again, the two are more or less the same thing, depending on to whom one speaks.

It sometimes changes form, although only slightly. There's never any major change in its design, not significantly so anyway. 

Appropriately for this page, I had a bit of a chat with an apple tree not long past. An older tree, still full of life, yet it has been afflicted with some difficulties. Very much like all of us from time to time. 

The Abbey has a grove of apple trees. Of course it does. There are several groves of various sort scattered about. Fruits, nuts, flowers, and of course trees just for the sake of trees. Other plants too. 

Yes, the same Abbey where the Oathstone resides. It was once called the Oakstone, because an oak tree grows hard by it and some of its roots wrap about it, hence the Oakstone. The stone is quite large and it has, over the course of time, come to have Oaths of Moment carved into it, in symbols of course. That is why it is now the Oathstone. 

It is still a very pleasant place. There is still a village not far away. Now, however, it is sometimes wreathed in mists and fogs. The great thorn and thistle hedge that surrounds it remains as vital as ever. There are still guest lodgings in the outer court. There are still no men allowed in the inner court and buildings. These things have not changed. 

The Priory that once existed nearby is gone, tumbled and overgrown ruins. At the moment, I do not know what happened to it, only that it is gone and has been for some time. The Earth takes back what is Her own, surprisingly swiftly to some.

 The great river that leads to the sea is still there, down the road from the hills about, the village lies there of course. It is a port town, after a fashion. 

I live in the Abbey of course. I am the Abbess after all. It is still a very peaceful and pleasant life. It suits me well.

Artharian /|\

Consequneces

Wow. Two years. The more things change, except this time the change has been for the worse.

More hate. More discrimination. More chaos. All brought to you by the man inaugurated in 2017. Top that off with a new virus that wasn't handled well where it first broke out, got loose into the world, and add frosting as our White House Occupant called it hoax then did everything he could to block remedial measures. The nation is a mess, and nearly half our population, at least, are shown to be lazy, selfish, undisciplined, hateful, assholes. I am not exaggerating.

I can't hike much since the trails here are flooded with people. It's the only thing folk can do that is cheap...so many being out of work...and accessible, when most places are still closed or highly limited.

And, yes, there's more, because too many states opened way too early, the damned virus has made a massive resurgence...even here it is ticking upward again. No vaccine until next year at the earliest, like as not, and even then, it isn't going to be made widely available to the public for some time, and even *then* it won't be free.

I do not see a bright future for this nation even if we get rid of the instigator of all of this. He is still causing havoc, destroying laws and traditions, wrecking the infrastructure of our government.

He has rolled back nearly all of our environmental protections.

Single-handed destruction across the board, and he boasts he takes no responsibility for any of it.

I still find it hard to believe that people voted that idiot into office. It was known who and what he was before ever he ran. Fools, we.

So, in January I began self-isolation and masking. As soon as word came that the virus had escaped the country of origin, I started in. I remain in self-isolation the screaming majority of the time. I still mask when I go out unless there is no one within fifty meters or so.

I do not foresee changes to this until next year at earliest.

Consequences.

Stormwind /|\

Weary

I am so sick and weary of humanity's hatred, intolerance, obstructionism, and willful ignorance.

I have seen enough death and destruction, hatred and vendettas to last me as many, if not more, lifetimes I have already lived. I remember many of them to varying degrees. I am so very weary of it all. Always the same...some individual or group thereof decides it has to have, be, and do everything to salve their own fear....so they make scapegoats and campaign to get others to hate them. Religion is the worst participant in this behavior.

I find myself growing apart from those I know, again, and that is probably not a bad thing. In this lifetime, all of those who knew me best, who would listen without trying to frame a rebuttal or something, who could hold intelligent and non-biased (as much as a human can) discourse, are all dead now.

Funny. We were all Grunts. The last people most folk would ever think to hold deep philosophical discussions. We did, though. We did indeed.

There's always a reason to be better than this person, that group, wealthier, higher up some ephemeral and completely manufactured ladder. Most put it down to some innate competition. We do have a competitive drive, yes. It doesn't *have* to be oriented to one another. Alas, such is the nature of the social structures we have built. There always has to be poor for the rich to look down upon, so they can feel better about themselves. They make token gestures through donations...yet every one of them stockpiles wealth far beyond what they or their family could use in two lifetimes, let alone one...so in the harsh light of reality, they aren't nearly as generous as one might think.

They lobby, ceaselessly, these fearful people, to remove any avenue to equality for those not yet at 'their level'. They are far too successful at it.

We all have to shit and piss. We all have to remove our clothing to do so without becoming a mess (infants excluded). We all breathe air, we all have to eat. We all dream.

What the Actual Fuck is wrong with us that we insist on splitting ourselves into groups of have and have not, that we will trash the only planet we have to feel more, better, higher, exalted? That we treat half of humanity as property....and some of those 'owned' people are good with it?

We are not fit for the stars as we are. I do not think we will ever get there now. We ride a storm of our own making to our own destruction. We live at the ending of an age. Such things never end quietly, nor peacefully. What comes after? Only the Allmother knows.

So very weary.

Siân

The Harper Priestess

Bendithion!

It is interesting to me, how well I have fitted into the Harper Priestess mode. I could break it all down...Witch, Druid, Sorceress, Priestess...yet it is all me, one person, and most of those overlap in such a way that the differences are far less than the similarities. These days I am a Sister, a Sister of Avalon, a Harper who often visits the Isle of Apples. I spend a lot of time in deep thought, contemplating a large variety of issues...although mostly I ponder questions of various types.

Soon now, since the weather patterns appear to be changing at last, I shall once again take harp, or lyre, and flutes, perhaps even drums, to the Stone Circle. I will set the circle within a circle, open the pathways to other places, and play for the pleasure of the Ancestors and the Gods. Such is my pleasure.

Aside from that, I shall be using the fire pit this Autumn here at the complex and playing the instruments as emotion moves me, regardless of who may be present, or whether anyone is present at all. I will also tell stories...and yes, I can tell these to the Gods and Ancestors as well. Stories, if we listen, tell us how to live, in essence. They are a kind of guide, even if they are only of the 'we went to someplace and did some things and had a blast'. Even that is a story that has things to say. It is a door into the person or persons who went and did these things, and for those who need such, a kind of lesson to be learned.

Everyone we meet affects us. Whether or no they are just momentary acquaintances or become great friends, or even great foes. Each time a path crosses another, whether that intersection be with humans, animals, plants, minerals, or occurrences...each and every one influences us in some way, shape or form. We come out of each of these a little different in some way. Even if we cannot see it ourselves.

Paiwackette has been gone for a bit more than six months now. I miss her still. That kitty influenced my life greatly...and she still does, on the occasion where she jumps up on the bed and purrs, soothing my fears and worries.

I am now 62 Winters old. Still young, indeed. And yet, in the Winter of my life even so. I do take thought for the time when She summons me to rest. I do not allow it to interfere with the pursuit of interests I hold dear.

All things as they are meant to be....and in Her good time.

Things to consider, to think on.

Blessings upon one and all.

Siani

Emergence

The long stasis I have been in, changes working constantly, sometimes seeming to conflict along the way, the passage of Paiwackette, all have culminated in an emergence of a kind. Changes are not complete, they never are, yet the crescendo of the changes I have been undergoing for the past 12 years has been reached, I think. Life to life; Pai crossed over to live in the Otherworld, and I came forth mostly whole, from the stasis that has bound me.

Pai has come to visit, to let us know she is all right, to reassure herself that we are all right. When I enchanted a stone I felt her presence, as had always been before. How fortunate I was that she came to live with us a while, and stayed with us as long as she did. Releasing her from pain and indignity was the least I could do, however much it hurt me. Love is often painful, as it must be.

With my emergence there came also the ending of my performance anxiety...indeed, I think that was the first sign of things to come. The Sight, which I  had deemed largely gone, has returned even stronger than it was. The resumption of duties to the Earth and the Gods in full measure has occurred. What began with Her touch so long ago, has completed, or nearly so, I think.

Some of my practices will change. I have better understanding of some things, and some things I realize were of little use, and indeed could have been harmful. May have been.

To this end, the great horn I was set to use for hunting will instead be used for ritual, which is why it came to me in the first place, though I lacked the wit to see it then. I have what is known as a 'communion' set, a ceramic plate and very large cup. For my purposes, the plate is for offerings, not the flesh of something or someone, and the cup will be used for smudging purposes. With that latter purpose, a smudging fan is to be sorted. Turkey feathers likely, perhaps with a crystal of some kind, maybe an antler handle. I have all necessary materials.

Drums, flutes, harps and lyres, all will have a place. Not might, will. As in must. Ritual chants have come to me constantly of late, for music and without.

The Grove may be opened, yet it may undergo another change itself. That remains to be seen.

I shall continue to visit the stone circle, yet will I also find quiet places in the forests and glades for similar purpose. It is not right that so much is owned and off limits to the Tribes in general. I much prefer the laws in Scandinavia, although of course they tend to be rather more stable than folk here.

I think we all have a right to access the land, as long as we do not destroy it, nor go near enough to trouble anyone living on it. The habit of cavalierly purchasing land (which one doesn't really own anyway) and then placing it entirely off limits to everyone and sundry is wrong. It is the law here...for now.

Change is happening in the wide world. There will be unexpected turns and twists for everyone. A dark, shadowy, time lies just before, yet it is necessary to come through to a lighter, brighter, future. Different from what we know now, perhaps extremely so. Yet that too is necessary.

Change is the only Constant.

Changes of Profound Nature at the Passing of Paiwackette.

The passing of Paiwackette across the Veil marked a number of turning points. A good many of them signaled the nearing completion of changes in myself since She touched me some 12 years ago. While not entirely finished, the high tide mark has been reached, I think.

With the grieving, Paiwackettes' visits and reassurances, and the witnessing of her passage, a few pieces fell into place and I chose a fork in the road.

The roiling, angry, red of my aura, as it has been for long centuries, has been fading and changing. It has become, if not entirely, mostly a rich forest green shot through with silver. Those are the colors of Life and Healing.

The Warrior fades for the advent of something else. It does not mean I lose my skills, nor my abilities, nor do I suddenly become the ultimate pacifist. It does mean that the dictating aspect is not that of the Warrior, rather it is that of the Warden or Steward of Life. Coupled with the Harper, it makes for a powerful combination.

Seer and Bard, that is myself. I am not entirely there yet, although it is what I am becoming.

The white robes of a Druid I have not bothered with for a few years. Now, looking upon them, I am stirred to embroider and trim them, and begin to use them again. With the Scythian hat of felted grey wool, and the Staff of Life, I prepare to take the first steps along the new path.

I am considering opening Seven Stars. I have not yet decided, yet I lean in that direction.

I am leaning heavily toward an asymmetric hair cut, and having a stylized Great Bear inked on the shaven side of my head. Other sigils as well.

My real work is beginning. I suspect the changes will be greater even than I suspect. I look forward to the challenges this path will present.

In Her Service,

Under the Sweet-scented Firs

Telyndryw Sian /|\